Blue Wind
by The Trishster
Summary: He failed them both. He was changed - different - and no matter how loudly they called, he was not coming back. He had it all. They were his all. He lost it all. SoRiKai.oneshot.secret dedication. alternative title: where do i begin?


There's something that goes with trekking across dozens of worlds, seeing hundreds of people, running into many an enemy, and watching thousands fall at your own hand. It warps the mind, turns it into something strange and different and as hard as you might try to return to the way you were - the way you remember or the way people always used to see you - you cannot return. It's locked away somewhere in your mind, in your heart. And though you wield the key to all, this is the one thing that it simply does not have permission to open. So you resign yourself to this unfortunate fact, leaning back until you're lying in the sand, the ocean water just missing your (for once) bare feet. The old you is gone. The new you - whoever you are - is here to stay. And whoever has an issue with it can freely walk away; you'll protest, but you would never prevent someone from doing whatever their heart was telling them.

But you can't walk away from yourself.

You've already hidden yourself behind a mask of happiness and nonchalance. Nothing seems to get to you anymore. Sure, you might have fallen apart a number of times while out on your quest, but you were weak then, right? You've grown up and now that you've returned home, you have nothing to fear.

Right?

Even you get fooled by your own facade from time to time. It's become so much a part of you, just as the Keyblade has. And you just keep drawing the short stick because neither the mask nor the Keyblade are leaving anytime soon, no matter how badly you wish they would. You're only fifteen and you are bearing a burden (two, really) that might be becoming too much for you.

But the Keyblade Master never admits to things like these.

You can take care of it all yourself, with little help from others. That's what everyone thinks. That's what everyone sees. You are the hero everyone expects you to be.

You're also a magnificent actor.

Fooling ALL those innocent, unknowing people into thinking that you were collected, you were brilliant, you were the Keyblade Master who feared nothing, who knew all, who could handle anything thrown at him.

Perhaps a bit too deceitful, even for the best actor in all the worlds.

You sit up and rub your forehead, unnerved. That's right. It's all starting to catch up with you now. The lying, the fake grins, the cocky demeanor that wasn't you at all. Its consequences hit you full force and you hardly know how to handle it.

You don't even know who you are anymore. Frightened? You should be.

Who is it that the worlds have trusted with their very lives? Who is it who previously vowed to return to each one in the wake of universal peace? Who is it that has done all these incredible things that even the most inventive storyteller could not create?

Who are you?

All these questions rumble about in your mind. You can't even hear the ocean anymore, which is awful because it would have been able to calm your stressed mind. But, no. Your thoughts are loud and repetitive. The questions shouldn't be difficult, but they challenge you because you aren't sure quite how to answer.

You've lost yourself and now, you wander helplessly, silently, through a familiar world through the mind of an unfamiliar person.

You think about Riku. Kairi's image makes it's way into your mind, as well. Your best friends. The ones you spent a year trying to find and protect. You can hardly believe the lengths you had gone through just to make sure they were still alive. You hoped that when you all returned to Destiny Islands, all would go back to the way it was. Life would fall back into place, go back to normal (though not entirely because all of you are too traumatized to sleep alone). The world - your world - would be restored to its original calm.

Do you realize how wrong you were? And do you recognize that it is YOUR fault?

For many nights at a time, Kairi's eyes would fill with tears, her cheeks flushed and her nose sniffling... and all at the mere thought of you and Riku being harmed again. Sleep would evade her grasp, as her dreams of playing with you and Riku on the now-deserted play island turned into nightmares where the Heartless attack without mercy - and you give in to the darkness without so much as a fight, with a devilish smirk playing upon your lips. Kairi would shift your arm to wake you up (though she knew you never slept anymore either). You would turn to her, gaze blank as she creeped closer to cradle her head in the crook of your neck. You would wince the moment you felt her tears beginning to drip through your shirt. She'd come to you, wasted on all fronts, asking you to reassure her that if anything ever happened, if the darkness ever returned and threatened to disrupt what they had worked so hard to achieve, that you'd continue to fight for them. And what did you do? You looked at the silly girl and merely sighed as she stared at you expectantly. And when she finally realized that you were refusing to answer, she switched tactics. All fired up, she'd sit up and rant about how you had told her and Riku that you loved them and that if you really did care at all, you would have answered without hesitation. She's upset and rambling and panicked. You'd try to calm her down, only worsening the situation. At the time, you couldn't understand why. What was the point in promising something so silly? But no. She was afraid.

Because whoever she was talking to... was nothing like you.

Sometimes, Kairi's tantrums would wake Riku up, too. But the moment he made his presence known to you and the redhead, it was clear that, as always, he had been awake for most of the night anyway, probably trying to burn holes into the wall with his stare. He'd glance over at you first, silently implying that you were at fault, though he hadn't a clue what had happened THIS time. He'd move on to beckoning Kairi to him to explain why she was letting those ugly tears fall down her pretty face. And once she had regained the ability to speak, all she would say was, "Nothing. It's nothing. I just had a bad dream and Sora was making fun of me for being scared." And everyone else knew she was lying, but nobody would ever think of confronting her. Riku would offer to switch spots on the bed so she wouldn't need to be near to "mean old Sora" (it was stupid, but she laughed anyway) for the rest of the evening. Kairi always agreed before running off to the bathroom with a flashlight; she couldn't bring herself to go anywhere without light anymore. You'd brace yourself to be scolded by Riku, slapped across the back of the head maybe. But it never came. Instead, he'd place a hand on the top of your head and ruffle your hair before chuckling softly and saying, "You really need to be nicer to her. She doesn't really know how to handle all this (you scoff because she's not the only one). I know you've been, like, trained to just react but with Kairi? You know better." You've heard variations of the mini-speech before. You would nod your head slowly as Riku's hand slipped onto the bed. Kairi would return and flick her flashlight off before placing it on the single nightstand you all share. She'd crawl onto the bed and lean toward Riku, leaving a small kiss on his lips. She'd pull away and glance at you, surveying your expression. After a few moments, Riku shifted as well to look at you.

This is how every night goes for you. Kairi in tears. Riku gently asking that you try harder. You sitting in silence as they watched you, both of them falling into the path of the moonlight that would stream through the window.

And every night, they look at you, their eyes showing a slight bit of hope that you might come around this time because they need you, the powerful Keyblade Master, the Savior of the Worlds, The Chosen One. All these things, you are. Or were. Your legacy follows you.

But all they want from you is a kiss. And you simply could not (would not) supply what they wanted. And why?

Because you're too busy hiding behind your mask. You can't even make time to take it off for the two people you love most. Supposedly.

What has become of the Mighty One? When did he become so weak?

Yes. When you realized that the moment your mask is removed and you're exposed, the world will discover that you are just as weak as everyone else.

And you know better than to think those two would judge you, think less of you. No. They'd be relieved, as would you. But you're stubborn and make up these crazy excuses and scenarios that you know will never occur. You fight to save face, but it hurts you.

Why won't you let go?

0-o-0

"...Sora?"

"Hm...?

"I - well, Kairi and me. We're... worried. About you."

"...Hn."

"You're just... different. I mean, we all are. Insanely different. But you've changed... so much. I don't know if you're even you anymore."

"...Mmm."

"...I... I just don't know what's going on with you."

"...R-"

"...Sora? When... whenever you decide to come back to us... make it soon, okay?"

"...Riku...?"

"We miss you."

* * *

**Hey, guys. Long time, no fics. XD Well, this isn't new. It's so old, I forgot I wrote it. But Google Docs says I last touched it August 26, 2008 at 3:50 AM. What does that tell you? Haha. I came across it after writing a rather long, angry note to someone. I really like it. Oh, and it's... Sora/Riku/Kairi... sort of. So... sorry, people who do not agree. It isn't heavy, but it's implied. The whole thing is a bit out of my ordinary (though my characteristically long-ass paragraphs are still there). It was experimental. And due to its message, it's being secretly dedicated to someone. Not a very good kind of dedication, mind you, but still. They might know who they are, if they should ever see this. Tell me what you think.**

**-Trish**


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